Doctor, Doctor

“Who do the Police want to win the election?”

It’s not the best time to ask me. I mean, you’re holding a scalpel next to a very delicate part of my anatomy, causing me slight concern. I could tell the truth, and run the risk of being scarred for life. Or, I could answer like a politician.

As you look like a grown-up version of Tory-Boy, and I suspect you may have been the original model for him, option ‘A’ is out.

“It makes no difference to the Police. We work for the Queen, not the government”

You have the good grace to laugh. Immediately marking you out as a party activist. The scalpel moves away slightly. Emboldened I continue:

“Whoever promises to stop introducing masses of new laws will get my vote.”

This was expressed from a policing point of view. In reality I use the much more sophisticated blindfold and pin technique. It tends to cause a stir at the local OAP day centre once every 4 years. But, it’s fairly accurate.

“There are too many new laws then?”

“Uh-huh”

This considered response was caused by you moving the scalpel out of my sight. It was a panic measure. I apologise for ruining the moment.

Slicing and dicing complete. I escape with everything still in the right place. I went home to mentally recover from the heated discussion. Give me an eighteen stone drunk to deal with any day. They’re pussy cats compared with your intrusive campaigning tactics.

I know that you went straight to your local Conservative Club and told anyone who would listen that “the ‘groundswell of opinion’ amongst Police officers was that there are too many new laws”.

I sat up all night watching the Dimbleby/Snow show in the hope that our reasoned debate was commented on by a political heavyweight.

Maybe next time.