A Plea to The Anarchista

I have to confess, I’m not a ‘model’ Anarchist.

If I were, it’s possible I’d be struggling with my conscience.

In my line of work I tend to meet quite a few people with anarchistic tendencies. In fact, everyone who’s had the dubious pleasure of hearing me caution them has demonstrated their support for the movement. A spelling test can usually separate the true believers from the unwitting masses. (The ‘ch’ always catches the hangers-on out.)

True anarchists put me in a diversity quandary. According to the Met, I have to ‘treat everyone according to their needs’. It’s pretty unequivocal. There are no caveats for anarchy.

According to Chambers Dictionary an anarchist believes in ‘the complete absence of law’. It goes on to describe an anarchist as someone who ‘seeks to advance such a condition by terrorism’. They also use the phrases: - Chaos, complete disorder and utter lawlessness. I’m guessing here, but, I don’t believe W & R Chambers were dedicated followers of the cause.

By arresting you, or even enforcing minor parking transgressions, I’m going completely against the Met’s diversity policy. I’m not respecting your beliefs and could be disciplined.

I don’t think that pointing it out to the Diversity Directorate would result in a re-think. They’ve printed thousands of booklets telling us how to be nice to people from various different backgrounds. You’re not included. They’ll just sweep this oversight under the carpet.

I have a plan though.

Unfortunately, my pin and blindfold system on the 5th didn’t result in a vote for your party. I looked a bit closer and noticed that you didn’t even field a candidate in my constituency! How could you have made such a mistake? I live in middle-class suburbia, we’re as ripe as we’re ever gonna be for anarchy.

If you start now, you’ve got at least 4 years to get your act together. Sort your hustings meetings out and get your candidates out kissing babies.

I can’t promise I’ll peek.

But, if my voting method results in a vote for you and you win the election.

Can I be Commissioner?