Brian's Brief Encounters

This is an Unofficial Kaffe Fassett fanzine. Brought to you from a Leafy Suburb of the Throbbing Metropolis.

Friday, May 26, 2006

In Google We Trust

Yippee-ki-ay muthanature!

Well, that's what would have happened had it not been for a small oversight on my part.

As with a lot of people who find themselves in a desperate situation I too found myself increasingly drawn towards a chemical solution. Extensive internet research pointed me in the direction of a very potent cure-all for eliminating pesky critters. That’s right; Agent Orange.

Those spiky watchamacallits wouldn’t know what had hit them. Unfortunately, my search didn’t turn up a recipe. It seemed that the original manufacturers would be somewhat reluctant to sell it direct to me, besides they didn’t have any left. So, I’d have to try a less direct route involving a phone call to the newest agency of the appropriate country’s government. Needless to say, most of the conversation is “classified” so I can only give you the edited highlights:-

Patti-Sue was very pleasant and clearly happy in her work.

Patti-Sue didn’t quite understand my request. I think it may have been my accent.

Patti-Sue put me on hold for a few minutes.

Special Agent Joe wasn’t as friendly.

Special Agent Joe insisted that they didn’t have any chemical agents currently in stock.

Special Agent Joe didn’t think I’d find any on ebay either.

Special Agent Joe didn’t know what a spiky watchamacallit was.

Special Agent Joe was very interested in my employer. I assured him I didn’t work for anyone called ‘Al’.

Special Agent Joe did know exactly what a knoll is. I didn’t have to spell it out for him.

Special Agent Joe didn’t wish me a nice day before he hung up.

With nowhere else to turn, knoll site preparation was put on hold. Besides, now that the great British summer is upon us, working outside has had to cease due to a water shortage that Mother Nature is doing her level best to rectify. I’ve taken up embroidery in the interim. I’ve even got a monogrammed thimble.

It’s only now that I can share this with you as it has been at least a week since the last sighting of a black SUV with tinted windows in Leafy Suburb. The neighbourhood gossip was that they were timeshare salesmen looking to offload a des-res in the Havana suburbs to one lucky winner. I sure could do with some sunshine at the moment but, I’ve seen the TV reports and it looks like the nightlife isn’t up to much. If they’re not careful Nicky and the crew from Watchdog will be on their case.

So, now that I’m back and knoll construction has been cruelly curtailed due to circumstances beyond my control, I’ll have to think of something else I have an interest in to write about. Hmmm……I suppose it’ll have to be the ups and downs of embroidery then. The blogging world can never have too many sites dedicated to the crazy Cross Stitch community. I’m already looking forward to pattern swapping with like-minded readers.

Unless something else springs to mind that is.


At 28/5/06 2:13 AM, Anonymous grindle said...

Brian !!
Welcome back. I thought we'd lost you for good.
You haven't told us yet about the new land shark you were going to get.

At 28/5/06 4:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Me wants police blog :(

At 28/5/06 7:31 AM, Blogger caramaena said...

Yay! Brian's back. I await, with bated breath, the stories of your adventures in the world of embroidery ;)

At 28/5/06 9:40 PM, Blogger Rosie said...

I'm sure any new posts will have us all in stitches...

PS. The police blogging was very funny, completely inoffensive, and I'm sorry you had to take it down

At 28/5/06 10:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn, and I almost deleted you from my favourites last night, welcome back.

At 30/5/06 9:25 AM, Anonymous AndrewM said...

About flipping time!

At 30/5/06 10:27 AM, Anonymous Snoop said...

"Nice" is probably a word popular among embroiderers, so "nice to see you, to see you, nice".

At 30/5/06 8:21 PM, Blogger Lizzy said...

Hey it's great to see you bloggin again. you lightened many a dreary day through a long illness i think is now over.

good on you

At 31/5/06 11:42 PM, Anonymous Your Captain said...

Good to see that filing out all the forms and risk assesmetns for knoll building has finally ceased. Can we expect some more sharing of lifes experiences from another of the cloth?

At 3/6/06 11:17 AM, Blogger Tom Reynolds said...

Come on then man...spit it out and continue to entertain us.

Of course, you could always come around and sort out the field of bondweed I have in my garden - I'm thinking napalm.

According to the internet it's easy enough to make...

At 3/6/06 9:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad you're back mate. If PC-blogging is now not PC, then I for one will happily accept your ever-entertaining style directed at something else. Keep writing mate, you make me laugh.


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