Spreading The Word

Lord Haw-Haw would be chuffed.

For being the grandfather of spin. Not for the final score obviously.

If you pick up any newspaper in this country you may see mention of a fellow officer misbehaving in some manner. You may even read about a whole collective of officers being naughty. Sometimes it even makes the front pages. I bet you believe it too.

You’d be wrong.

For some strange reason the laws in this country don’t allow my boss (no not that boss) to control what fairy tales make it through your letterbox in the morning. He can’t stop these untruths getting onto rolling news channels either. I think he needs a better publicist.

If only you knew what we know.

You see, we don’t need a bunch of hacks on six figure salaries.

We don’t need newsreaders who know which tone is appropriate.

We don’t even need Rupert.

We have ‘The Job’.

Where bad news is not news.

Think Alistair. Think Hello. Think The Lady. Now mix them all together adding generous doses of blue serge and saccharine. You end up with a bi-weekly, spin-free, thumping good read. It could do with a horoscope though.

Astrological omissions aside. I can thoroughly recommend it.

No representative group of the Policing family is left out. We all have copious amounts of good news to share. And share we do. Copiously.

I know the publishing dates. I have them marked in my diary. If I’m on nights I e-mail a colleague to snaffle me one before they all go. Sometimes they forget and I have to retrieve a well-thumbed copy from a toilet cubicle. I take comfort that the shiny paper it’s printed on will prevent any unexplained smudges.

Although I can read it online, I prefer it in print. For the full effect. Web space restrictions and confidentiality concerns prevent some items from making it into this world. You will never know who has their cat for sale. The war stories from our crack team of tenpin bowlers will not be for your eyes. You won’t even get the advertisements.

This is an area it does particularly well in. Hats off to the Ad managers. In the last issue we had:-

2 for car insurers. Fans of our high driving standards.

3 for personal loans. In case we know someone less well off.

3 for Solicitors. In case we know someone in trouble.

1 for jewellery. Realising our senior officers read it too.

(The one advertising to ‘improve our looks’ has clearly got the wrong publication.)

The next issue is out later today. I’m so excited I can’t sleep.

If you’re the same you can get a sneak online preview.

Just log into Google.

Type in the word “Pravda”.

Click ‘Search’.