Brian's Brief Encounters

This is an Unofficial Kaffe Fassett fanzine. Brought to you from a Leafy Suburb of the Throbbing Metropolis.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Looking Back In....

When I was younger; I can remember visiting the funfair.

One of the attractions that kept me busy for at least five minutes was the “Hall of Mirrors”.

Standing in front of a series of cleverly curved and shiny surfaces always produced some pointing and laughing. My youthful ignorance is the only reason I can explain why I laughed when I pointed at myself looking very fat, painfully thin, tiny then giant-like in quick succession. There’s not a chance I would find this amusing now.

You see, I run the risk of “causing offence” and being “unfairly harmful” should I do it now that I’m all grown up. For this reason I now need to offer my unreserved apologies for the above paragraph to the following:-

The morbidly obese.


The Seven Dwarves.

Robert Wadlow.

As some may have noticed, most of my posts warranted self-censorship and apologies in the event they caused offence to those listed. You can never be too careful it seems. To be honest, I’m still a bit nervous about leaving the “Land Sharks” post on; just in case a Mark I logs on and sneaks a peek. They can be very vindictive you know.

I have not been told that I cannot write a blog, nor have I been told that I cannot blog about policing. What I have been told, in essence, is that I should use common sense. This is what I thought I was doing; but it seems my version of common sense is not the same as the official line on the subject. For this reason I will no longer blog about policing (except where unavoidable). I thank all of you who have shown your support both in the comments and via email. If you are reading this believing it to be a blog about policing, can I take this opportunity to re-direct you to this unbiased and full of common sense online reading matter. It’s a thumping good read too.

So as not to jeopardise my crime-fighting role, which I very much enjoy, I will remain on blogging gardening leave until my level of common sense matches the official policy. To put it more succinctly and misquote someone with far more common sense than me:-

"But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved The Throbbing Metropolis."

From now on this site will only feature posts on gardening and other similar subjects I know absolutely nothing about. I have a knoll to build and I think the world should be able to track its progress. If you haven’t all deserted me to read a far superior site at the link above that is.

Still, unlike some, at least I’ll be able to look at myself in a normal mirror and laugh out loud.

If that’s okay with everybody?


At 4/2/06 1:37 AM, Blogger NotQuiteHere said...

Oh hon *hugs* (if you want them)

At 4/2/06 1:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brian, It seems you have benn royally disserviced by thosr who ,I venture to say, have not ad to provide service. I wish you well and hope that the effete and unproductive that surround you all disappear in to Alice's Wonderland, forever

Roy Bachellier
Hamilton, Canada.

At 4/2/06 8:39 PM, Blogger gonorr said...

so alls well that ends well?
I have enjoyed your real life look at the job. To be perfectly honest it has put me right off applying. Not for any other reason than I wanted to escape bullshit, petty office politics and do the right thing. To be honest I though my bro in law was pulling my leg about the paperwork levels.
However, in an age where it's fashionable to slag the law off, I have every respect for you who are at the sharp end and who are not building a paperwork empire for themselves.

At 4/2/06 9:11 PM, Anonymous Karyn said...

Loved reading your blogs about policing, as they hit quite close to home! Sorry to hear the white-shirts having invaded, but not surprised about their lack of humour.

Best wishes, and I look forward to seeing how the knoll building goes.

At 4/2/06 9:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wankers. Pity they are so far removed from the reality that they have missed the point completely.
Oh well, I'm off to read the latest issue of "The Sharp End", because that's the sunny-side-up, the-world-is-smiling management friendly version of what, for the sake of humour and correctness, I'll call "The Truth"
It's a pity that wretched excuse for a so called comissioner you have couldn't be as insightful and effective at raising the world's opinion of the Met and policing in general like you have. Instead you'll just have to stick to saying to people when questioned about him "Yeah, sorry about him, but what can we do?" and try to forget your own successful attempts to raise the profile of the humble response pack animal that is us.

At 4/2/06 9:14 PM, Anonymous Bill Sticker said...

How was it in room 101, citizen?



At 4/2/06 9:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a very sad day.

At 4/2/06 9:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

With the end of your tales of life on the frontline, the Met has lost an invaluable asset. When will they learn?

At 4/2/06 9:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And I've only just been pointed to your blog, just in time to find out that "someone in authority" has taken grave exception to it. That all the headings and unreserved apologies indicate that it should have been a rattling good read only increases my anger at the fool who has chosen to place you on gardening leave.

We've known for some time that the police force I grew up with in the Throbbing Metropolis some two generations ago is not the service it is today.

Someone pointed out that "the Truth shall set you free". Stick to it, the silver lining of this cloud is, as someone else has written, that the jobs outside pay more and don't put you in physical danger quite so often. You might even want to think about emigrating to some other part of the world where they haven't sunk to standards quite as low as those in the UK.

At 4/2/06 9:20 PM, Anonymous BMS said...

Very depressing. Yet another free voice silenced by threats & intimidation (isn't there a law against intimidation, as with so much else in Britain today?). I can't blame you for wanting to protect your employed status, but it is still a great loss to those of us that consider free speech important.
I would still like to know what "offences" you are supposed to have committed - or have the Thought Police made the whole matter non-disclosable?

At 4/2/06 9:23 PM, Anonymous Brian said...

It seems Blogger had a problem last night and the seven comments immediately above were not published.

I have taken the liberty of republishing them now Mr Blogger has recovered from his hangover.

At 4/2/06 9:27 PM, Blogger Stan Still said...


Have you ever stopped to consider that the delay in the arrival of comments is because they came in via NSY?

At 4/2/06 9:50 PM, Blogger Baldermort said...

Is it possible that whilst building knolls of a grassy nature, you might be inclined to adapt elements of gardening activity into a form of the venacular more familiar with your day-job?

Respect for everything you have written so far, and look forward to an end in the gardening leave.

Should you require assistance with the construction of said knoll, I would be more than happy to assist. We covered "the grassy knoll" during my training at Warminster.

At 5/2/06 6:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why are C&D all such twats? They were twats in my first force. They are twats in my current force. They are just right twats. Lonely sad men and women who are either rubbish at the job and have no friends or got caught at something and were bribed into joining the popular squad. I am very upset.

At 5/2/06 9:11 AM, Anonymous Ros H said...

An entirely pragmatic course of action, Brian. Proving that you are still exhibiting common sense.

I believe there are others who should learn from your example.

At 5/2/06 12:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


The world is poorer since the removal of the policing content on your Blog. As a Australian copper I see that the tyranny of distance is not a barrier to stupid management decisions.

Vale, Tongue in cheek humor

At 5/2/06 6:28 PM, Blogger Katy Newton said...

I'm sure I'll enjoy your knoll-related posts as much as your policing ones, but I do sort of wish that I could give your employers a wedgie.

At 5/2/06 9:28 PM, Blogger John said...

Do you not have a 'friend' in the service who confides in you all the troubles and things that he/she/it encounters? He might even ask your advice as you sit, teacup in hand, muddy boots in the wheelbarrow, world at peace. You might then share your wisdom with us. Cannot be anything wrong with that can there? Alternatively, run a general Dear Daisy advice column/ To be really fireproof you could call it the Isleworth Imam column on police matters. No one dare touch you then behind the Islamic identity.

At 5/2/06 9:50 PM, Blogger MJD Medals said...

What a shame - I could see no reason for you being censored in such a way but there again I guess it must be right what they say - the truth hurts!

At 6/2/06 11:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What happened to our famous freedom of speech, but is this only true if you are follower of the crowd wanting to Behead everyone!

At 6/2/06 1:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am really shocked! I have read this Blog for about a year and made the police seem more human and more humane. I'm really sad you won't be continuing. What happened to freedom of speech??

At 6/2/06 5:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I shall really miss your police blogging, Brian. What a ridiculous decision by those who have gagged you. It is amazing that they could not recognise that you were - like the previous anonymous said - doing the police force a great service by making them seem much more human. And that their decision does them far, far more disservice than your blog ever did.

Look forward to the gardening blog though. Keep posting.

PS just loved Bill Sticker's comment!

At 6/2/06 6:09 PM, Anonymous Adrienne said...

Brian, as some of us in the States say, this blows wind! I'll miss your pithy, witty posts, although I'm sure you'll find a way to make gardening seem amusing. Post on, I say, and bollocks to the bosses!

At 6/2/06 7:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

R.I.P the human face of the met.

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
H. L. Mencken

At 6/2/06 7:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

R.I.P the human face of the met.

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
H. L. Mencken

At 6/2/06 10:43 PM, Anonymous Ralph said...

Hiya B.
Sorry to hear that you've been cut short in your prime, sounds like political correctness has taken over again. I've been an avid reader of your blog for some time, I work within the emergency services and deal with the humble fireman and bobby on a daily basis, that's what made your blog such avid reading... I wish you luck with the knoll, but don't let the new laid back approach to blogging dull your senses or wit ;)


At 7/2/06 4:47 PM, Anonymous Sharon from NY said...

Ahhh Brian- Political correctness gone mad, once again.. and ever so much more inappropriately here! Since I am here in the US, the origin of the "grassy knoll".... I will remain fascinated by your efforts there. Just be careful not to post any editorial cartoons about grassy knolls... or who knows WHAT could happen!


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