Silly Question

The trick is not to look or sound too clever.

If you appear like you know what you’re doing then this technique doesn’t work. You need your victim to be as relaxed as possible and thinking they’re dealing with a bumbling idiot. Which is something I don’t find very difficult for some reason.

Then you have to cover the first question you’re going to get asked, before you’re asked it. In the unlikely event that you haven’t managed to spot an offence then just quote Section 163 of the Road Traffic Act 1988. You may need to remind them that this isn’t America, even if they do ‘know their rights’.

To steal a phrase from my friends in the HR department, we now need to have an ‘icebreaker’ or two. This is where we get to hear all about how they’ve either just bought the car and are saving up for a stamp or how the naughty people in Swansea haven’t been doing their jobs properly again. Make lots of sympathetic noises, we can always come back to this one. Try not to faint if they tell you that the car is actually registered to them.

Now we’re all friends, it’s time for the one question which will tell you whether or not you’ll be getting your pen out. Without revealing the exact question I use, all I’ll say is that it’s an open one and includes the word ‘insurance’. Just look like you’re concentrating on something else and listen to the response.

If that response is in the form of a question and/or repeats all or part of your question then you already have the answer. Don’t say anything, a smile or a nod of encouragement will have them continuing. It doesn’t really matter what they say next, you’ll be needing your pen. Why? I couldn’t possibly tell you that.

You’ll just have to trust me.

Even if I’m not very clever.