Brian's Brief Encounters

This is an Unofficial Kaffe Fassett fanzine. Brought to you from a Leafy Suburb of the Throbbing Metropolis.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Copper Chopper?

I’m sure I remember something from the dim and distant past.

Something about the Police being independent of the government. I can’t be certain though, it could have been ‘dependent on the government’. I’m pretty sure the oath I swore mentioned the occupant of Buckingham Palace and not the occupants of Westminster Palace. Things seem a bit hazy now, it could even have been Beckingham Palace.

I was only wondering because I read with interest recently about the newest member of the Throbbing Metropolis Management Board. Our brand new Director of Modernisation: Mr Rimmer. No, not that Rimmer. I’ve seen his photo and he looks nothing like Chris Barrie.

This Mr Rimmer has a remarkable CV with stints in the Prison Service, Policing Policy Unit, Central Drugs Co-ordination Unit and Northern Ireland Office. Well, it impressed me anyway. I didn’t know that a Police officer could work in so many lofty positions. I thought Garage Sergeant was the best we could hope for.

Reading further I discovered that Mr Rimmer is in fact a civil servant and not a Police officer. He has spent the last four years working to the Home Secretary. That’s a shame; if he had gone through Hendon he would have a better understanding of policing the streets of the Metropolis. He’d have free train travel too.

To the best of my knowledge we’ve never had a Director of Modernisation before. Definitely not one who is a senior civil servant. So I can’t really know what will happen. He has many roles on the Management Board, two of which are performance and efficiency. Let’s hope things have moved on since the days of Sir Humphrey Appleby then.

I’m not sure that Mr Rimmer has quite grasped the concept of being a Police policy maker when he says that he ‘hopes to spend at least one day a week out of the office’. He says it’s so that he can observe operational policing; which will most likely entail sitting in another less salubrious office watching an officer swearing at a computer screen. Still, he’s new, he’ll learn.

I couldn’t help but notice another new venture for the modern Police service when catching up on my reading. I’m almost convinced that this one isn’t linked with Mr Rimmer’s remit for efficiency so I don’t want my colleagues at the Air Support Unit to worry. Although their current toys retail at about two million apiece and these ones are a snip at £30.99 (complete with pilot and sandwich box):-

I don’t think Mr Rimmer would be able to justify this particular downsizing exercise. After all they don’t even have a thermal imaging camera fitted; and without that it’d be virtually useless at night.

The Police, Camera, Action! producers wouldn’t be happy either.


At 28/11/05 8:18 PM, Blogger Bill Sticker said...

This Mr Rimmer. Are you sure he's real and not a hologram? Just a thought.



At 28/11/05 9:42 PM, Blogger Bystander said...

That's nothing. The head of Her Majesty's Courts' Service was a male nurse, and the London Regional Director used to run Jobcentres. Knowing something about the criminal justice system seems to disqualify you from management.

At 29/11/05 5:17 PM, Blogger World Weary Detective said...

Doesn't the PM take advice on crime matters from John Birt, the ex head of the BBC? We can make new police officers out of cardboard and sticky backed plastic! (Oh yes, they call them PCSOs now days)


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