Mind That Statistician

If you want to give the government something to count.

Then a membership card to either of the last two groups of driver is a good way to go about it. Although I’m guessing that you probably wouldn’t set out to add to this particular list. Seeing as it involves a high degree of pain, or death.

The Yoof- These can often be found wrapped around various pieces of immovable roadside furniture. After passing their driving test they soon find that insurance companies aren’t too keen on covering them. Three grand for basic cover on an old banger anyone? Surprisingly not many Yoofs take them up on this. So it’s into mummy or daddy’s car which is a lot more fun than sitting next to an examiner who can press the brake. Experientia docet is not in their vocabulary.

Driving for a fortnight on their own makes them much more highly skilled than any other driver on the road. After all they have been playing driving video games for years. Disproportionate Killed or Seriously Injured figures say otherwise. Still, they give us the chance to practice our Death-o-gram skills. Recommended action usually involves calling all three emergency services and an undertaker.

The Tipsy- These like roadside furniture as well. They get themselves involved in one sixth of the KSI stats too. Not for them the night bus, a Hackney Carriage or one of the thousands of Throbbing Metropolis mini-cabs. Why bother with all that when they have a perfectly good car parked in the pub car park? Obviously they can drive; a drink or two doesn’t affect them.

So, when I see a car being driven at 29 miles an hour at half eleven at night I’d never be able to spot that they were over the limit. I’d never notice the uneven line, the clipping of kerbs, the braking for no reason nor the late reaction to hazards. As entertaining as it is to follow you and laugh, I feel I should really do something about it.

Why is it then, that when they can hardly stand up, they’ve only ever had two beers? Even when my little box says otherwise? Then we get them back to the station and they blow triple figures I realise they weren’t lying. It was just the two beers. Two gallons. Recommended course of action is to explain how they will need to find out which bus will be taking them to work for the next year.

I don’t think there has been too much dissent about the laws that have been introduced to try and cut the statistics for these two. I have heard and read the odd dissenting comments about other policies though. Even safety cameras get a mention from time to time. Strange that; when inappropriate speed keeps the KSI statisticians in business far too frequently. It’s also strange to discover how long this debate has been raging.

“It is often tragic to see how blatantly a man bungles his own life and the lives of others, yet remains totally incapable of seeing how much the whole tragedy originates in himself, and how he continually feeds it and keeps it going.”

As Carl Jung (1875-1961) once said.